November 17, 2011

House called home.

She's walking herself as she step through a dark tunnel, wondering what's waiting her out there. Questions tumble upon each other, floating in her heads; What if there's a danger awaits me out there, what if something i don't wanna happen, it happens to me as i'm outside? She can't stop herself for having thought like that but her heart beating differently like it told her that nothing's gonna happen, indeed, there'll be a beautiful world out there, convincingly. She puts all the conscious away and slowly bringing herself to the outside. Out from this darkness. Out from all the anxiousness...

"I wanna see the world out there, so badly." slow enough to even make it go echoes.

She closes her eyes as she's taking herself step by step, wholeheartedly...

One step more and she's now on the ground. She can feels the ground and her feet, attaching.

"Am I outside?" She cries.

"Is anyone here?" Still in closed eyes. She's confident that she's already outside because her voice didn't go echo as she cried.

Slowly, she let her eyes open widely as she's breathing deeply...........

Such as astonishing view she has that makes her heart pounds calmly but hard, she can almost fell to the ground with her hands pressing her chest. Unbelievable. Beyond one's imagination. Words are not enough to describe how beautiful the world that's in front of her right now. Such a heart-throbbing!

It's like all around her is dark, but it's not really dark. It's blue, dark-blue. But the darkness is not like the one when she's in the tunnel. It's more like a 'welcoming' dark, not even a small loneliness felt although she's alone compared to when she was in the tunnel. It's really awesome! There's light everywhere, a big one, a small one but really is shining prettily, like a star. Yes, stars. She almost forgot the word. It has been a long long long time since the last time she uses that, 'stars'... Wondering, when was that 'the last time'?

Again, she's taking her step forward with her smile planted on her face, beaming from ear to ear. The wind greet her nicely as it strokes her hair gently. Sometimes, she's dancing by herself back and forth happily, other times she just walks with her arms wide open, let in the wind go through herself. It's comfortable!

She don't know how long has she walked, not even feeling tired. All she knew, she wanted to stay far away from the tunnels, far, far, really, far away. She meant it. And now, she's stepping to a house. Just a small house and the only house that she sees there. Hanging on the door, there's a wooden plank written 'Welcome home, sweetie!'. It's meant for her. She thought. Without hesitation, slowly, she twirl the door's knob and step into the house saying 'This is my home.' with her smiled eyes...

Leave the darkness behind and here, we found happiness, in our home.

November 16, 2011

November 15, 2011

Ini yang aku rasa.

let's start this all over again :)

Nama aku Sarah Zamri. Cukuplah sekadar tu yang korang tahu. Aku 19 tahun, seorang student, seorang anak dan seorang perempuan. Satu yang mengganggu fikiran aku, layakkah seorang gadis berumur 19 tahun membicarakan soal cinta?

umur tak mengenal cinta. umur tak menggambarkan kematangan seseorang.

orang cakap macam tu. tapi orang juga yang buat aku berfikir...'alah. baru 19 dah fikir nak bercinta. bercinta nak serius pulak tu. hey kemon la. enjoy sikit de?'

sejarah 19 tahun hidup aku, couple baru sekali. bila aku beritahu mereka, mesti mereka kata, 'wow untungnya lelaki tu.' tapi dia dah jadi ex. faham tak ex? aku masih lagi tak faham kenapa orang kata lelaki tersebut untung. ada yang kate sebab aku setia. but he's still my ex after all. i mean an ex EX. mungkin pada aku, single lagi best.
atau mungkin, aku belum bersedia lagi.

ya. aku belum bersedia lagi.

macam mana rasanya couple? sampai sekarang aku tertanya-tanya. last time aku merasa disayangi itu, zaman sekolah menengah, puppy love orang kata. otak pun fikir nak enjoy je. orang couple, aku pun couple. frankly speaking, that wasn't the best i've ever had like one yang kau takkan boleh lupa seumur hidup. Bukan itu ke first love?

pernah. banyak kali aku fall in love. tapi, tak de satu pun yang aku betul-betul berani nak confess. even though, crush aku tu memang fall in dengan aku pun. i'm always like, aku belum ready. i don't know why. i'm afraid. sangat. sampai satu tahap, aku rasa benci. benci dengan sifat takut tu, benci dengan loneliness, benci dengan all the thoughts yang all this relationship thingy won't last long. kenapa? kenapa aku ada thought camtu. aku tak pernah kena dump pun. kenapa? kenapa aku macam ni?

no answer.

aku selalu berdoa untuk yang terbaik buat diri aku, terbaik untuk future husband aku. walau kat mana pun dia, aku percaya dia wujud. Allah itu Maha Adil bukan? setiap Adam, pasti ada Hawa.

mungkin sebab tu aku masih single. terlalu menunggu seolah-olah future husband tu akan turun dari langit. tanpa usaha. hanya doa dan tawakkal. mungkin cara aku salah. aku sangat envy dan jealous, dengan kawan-kawan aku yang ada balak dan sangat bahagia. aku tumpang bahagia dengan diorang. sampai kadang-kadang, aku lebih bahagia tengok diorang bahagia daripada diri aku sendiri yang bahagia.

to my future bf, please treat me well, have patience with me because i dont have any experience of being in a serious relationship.

 to my future husband, please treat me well, have patience with me because i don't have any experience of being in a serious relationship.

This post was like ages kat dalam draft tu. And aku ada edit sikit-sikit mana-mana yang kena cross tu. 

Cinta itu suci. Cinta itu tidak buta. Cinta itu adalah kepunyaan Tuhan. Yang tidak suci dan buta itu adalah orang yang salah mempergunakannya itu. - HAMKA