December 29, 2013

Blergh

Sometimes, wanting some very simple thing, can be counted as demanding. Like, wanting to be people's favourite.

Yes it is very demanding because you don't even favourite a person yet you're expecting people to like you? You're not a star. You are just a mole on a black sheep. You are like a tiny tiny little living micro-organism in a milky way.

That's just how I feel. Doesn't even worth a concern. Bye.

December 23, 2013

Pointless.

Bila buku nak sampai? Bila kerja nak siap? Bila exam nak start? Bila exam nak habis? Bila nak start belajar? Bila nak start membaca? Bila nak start menulis?

Bila?

Persoalan yang ntah bila akan selesai. Masa bergerak pantas. Aku semakin rajin menabur benih, memasang seribu satu cita cita. Persoalannya, bila nak semai?

December 21, 2013

helpless

my life,
has been quitely interrupted with people. people who were in and out. like an elevator. with different floors, different time and places. those people who came and left, had left their traces inside me. I wonder, if I ever had been on their head.

people like, my friends' moms, my friends' family members, my friends, who were once friends, strangers who I talked to although I don't know their names, people that had haunted me in dreams, of few faces I've seen in my dreams, or heard voices but their faces were blurry, people that I never talked to but they know me, or at least have seen me, people who I crossed to on the street.

I wonder if they ever remember me.

I want. I desperately want you to remember me. I am a pathetic. Beyond pathetic. I crave to be remembered. Hopelessly and helplessly pitiful. I am, rather a shameful being.

December 15, 2013

Game over.

I just wanna lay here and think about how much I have screwed up.

This is really, really bad. Never I expected it'd came out like this.

December 11, 2013

Let's.

Have you ever think that, at this point of your life, you should accept whatever comes in between, be it you've changed, or everything is going constantly unchanged or rather a lil ups and downs?

and so you're lonely
and so you're changing
and so everyone's leaving
or so
you're escaping.

Either way, things won't change abruptly to the point where you, are at your constant life cycle. You know that. It will change, but rather slowly. Everything seems like it doesn't move a bit but it actually is. At least, time is. You won't be forever you at your age.

It's weird.

The more I think, the more it leads me to pointless. I hate to choose to go with the flow because I don't want it to be like I am actually off track, or slipped or whatever. Let's just have faith that these upcoming weeks will go smoothly.

I ask you again, can I keep just this one?

It was when I never went below than B on my writing when I was in form 5 that I started to love writing, be it in bahasa or english. It must've been weird because it was just writing but everyone has different point of view and talent.

It's not like I write everyday or every hour. I'll write when I feel like writing, which is plenty. Sometimes I can track it, sometimes I lose count. And I believe that no one understands what it likes to be able to express thoughts in words and to have that exact meanings like what it feels like to have that (this is more like mere rhetoric and blunt.) But what I am trying to say's hard to understand. It's not just sharing thought, it's more than that. It's more than just write, more than expression.

It's a passion.

Jadi, hanya sekali ini aku rayu, supaya tidak disekat kemahuan aku. Dan kalau kegembiraan yang kau mahu tahu, disinilah ia bertugu. Jangan cari aku, kerna kau hanya akan menjumpai bayangku. Cari tulisanku, dan kau akan ketemu aku, disitu.

December 9, 2013

I…

1. I wonder how many hearts have I break throughout 21 years I have lived.

2. You know that one day, you feel your heart's beating. It beats fast, for someone. Or more than just one. Or when you are happy, sad, angry. And then it came to yr mind, have it ever beats for that One you believe Its existence? Have you ever?

3. I am really confused. I need someone to talk to. I don't know what to do I wanted to cry but then it won't solve any of these confusions.

4. Too much sleep is not helping.

December 2, 2013

Keseorangan (akhirnya)

Biarkan
Biarkan ia terus terusan membukit
Biarkan ia terus terusan membanjiri
Ia bahkan meledak
Dengan kata kata yang
Tak terungkap
Yang ketagihan luahan
Yang butuh telinga
Yang gersang hati

Biarkan
Biarkan kotak draf itu
Keseorangan.