February 28, 2016

saturday and all in between

pagi sabtu itu kami hanya merancang untuk membeli sweater sempena keberangkatan dia ke Australia minggu depan. selepas sarapan roti telur dan teh ais which will always be my favourite meal in the morning, aku bertanya pada dia. "so nak buat apa harini?" which he replied with the same question to me. i said, "jom pergi sungai." which was the random thing came out from myself whenever i feel like doing.

the thing about doing random things or going to random places with a person who doesnt care about being 'langgar je' is like you get to feel like a mission is accomplished. or like you crossed one wish in that damn bucketlist you have.

selepas beberapa jam walking and wandering around the mall yang super big sampai mata merah dan kering because of the air conditioners they had, we decided to go to bangi. and then patah balik kl seterusnya ke sungai sendat waterfall. since that the sun was about to set, we only had our lunch merangkap dinner and just to basahkan kaki and relax for awhile. he always had his cigarette on whenever it's cold. katanya, "it's the sense of kampung that makes you feel smoking is so right." aku cuma turutkan.

we had small talks about our school life. dan aku hanya mendengar lebih daripada bercerita. aku tak punya pengalaman yang banyak tentang sekolah berasrama. dan of course, asrama lelaki is hell different than asrama perempuan. they sounded brutal than what we girls had. it was fun, he brought the memories back. cant believe i'm saying this but high school is so much fun. i dont regret i didnt get straight a's or being among the best students. i had those memories and people to share to which is far better. terima kasih, Tuhan.

February 25, 2016

nota-nota, lagi.


1. saying yr age out loud or hearing people say it out loud is disgusting. especially when you are 24 and above. and unmarried.

2. aku tak menjanjikan pada diri aku akan sebuah rumah atau sebiji kereta atau sebidang tanah atau gaji yang lumayan sebagai persediaan untuk aku berkahwin. orang kata, kahwin membuka pintu rezeki. memang betul, aku sendiri telah melihatnya di depan mata kepala aku. tapi, sudah betul bersedia kah?

3. kasihan. kasihan pada mereka yang meletakkan faktor umur sebagai ukuran kepada membina sesebuah rumahtangga. naluri aku kata, "teguhkan iman, tajamkan amalan sebelum meletakkan perkahwinan ke dalam angan-angan."

4. hampir saja aku meletakkan perkahwinan sebagai impian sedangkan impian aku adalah untuk menjelajah dunia. tolong ingat baik-baik, diri.

5. aku harap orang-orang sekeliling tidak menjatuhkan keyakinan aku dengan impian-impian atau expectation yang mereka letak pada aku. get your own life will you?

6. pelik. by this time of the day, i should have already receive a wish from you. are you making me invisible or are you making yourself invisible?

7. kita diletakkan pada dua dunia berbeza. dan setelah 4 tahun, aku masih lagi berharap yang kau akan membacakan puisi-puisi untuk ku atau aku mendengarkan puisi-puisi kegemaranku untuk kau senyum walaupun ia bukan pada kerelaanmu.

happy birthday dear self!

1. untuk pertama kalinya dashboard aku sarat dengan tulisan dimana every fucking paragraph kau kena tekan on read more untuk bacaan lanjutan.

2. dan untuk pertama kalinya aku menulis precisely pada hari jadi aku.

3. 'i hate birthdays. especially mine.' aku kata padanya. i just hate birthdays and the idea of it.

4. i said sorry more than i uttered thank you. recap. just because you dont say thank you, doesnt mean you cannot show your appreciation.

5. to 13 hours and 30 minutes more before my 24th birthday ends and no one will ever talk about it anymore.

6. so, what's next?

February 23, 2016

stfu, will you?

first thing first, dont say things i already know just because you think you are clever than me because honestly, you're not.

February 22, 2016

here's to when the reality kicks in

here's what they told me, '2016 is a year of no one's gonna hire you.'

and so you're graduating this year? you are doomed. 

sabtu lalu, aku pergi ke karnival kerjaya dan tak sengaja pergi walk-in interview dengan salah satu company israel terkemuka dunia. aku tak prepare sepatah haram text mahupun jawapan kepada expected questions. some experience you cannot just look it up on youtube. 

and i was told that they(companies) will only hire fresh grads, giving the term 'in training' for the position they offer for a year. after that, you will (or so they told) be a permanent. ramai yang tak tahu, it sorts of a contract. and what this contract will do? probably they would kick you out after the contract ends. don't believe me? see for yourself. they are being playsafe for the time being. tak perlu bayar staff mahal mahal. fresh grads, budak baru nak lihat dunia luar dan terlebih semangat. lagi memudahkan kerja mereka.

you know, we are just dumb characters live in their system. in case the economy goes doom, you'll get kicked out. oh it's already right? well, be prepared. do you think they'll pay you the amount they say you'll get? think again. 

February 20, 2016

take a candy and repent, maybe?

i. apparently, lovebirds are annoying. lovebirds that write about each other are more annoying.

ii. five fucking rows. all hail sarah and her courage!

iii. people keep telling me i'm deep. do you ever talk to a japanese? till then you'd say i'm just a deep shitter wannabe.

iv. positivity come and go like gripping fast stream of water. the moment you scoop it to have a taste of its freshness, you only get the saltiness of your skin.

v. being me is like burning yourself with concentrated acids. you pour yourself a holy water mixed with seventy great mountains around the world which cures every disease, often. however, nothing cures you because you're just too stupid to not let the acid burn you repeatedly.

February 15, 2016

highways, and all thoughts of you.

so somehow, i had dinner at some popular food court near taman sri ramal, kajang last night. i forgot its name. they served the worse roti john i ever ate. boleh kau bayang? roti dan simply telur diapit ditengah-tengah roti full with ketchup and mayo. serupa makan benjo. but the satay there was quite nice. and i saw a lot of people. thus i judged a lot of them. it was fun.

February 10, 2016

attention seekers.

apparently, acting sweet with your husband on camera is the new hipster.

February 4, 2016

before midnight

i know a guy who's good with words. sometimes you feel like slapping his face is more relevant than actually believe what he throws out of his mouth. to label him as a sweet talker i'd say, you can put that in the list too. he's too honest. can someone be too honest really.

it's like he's pretending to be someone he's not. but to be honest, i know him more than he knows himself. he did say that. mungkin aku lebih banyak bersimpati dengan dia rather than actually think that he's my friend. i dont know. we are now not who we were back then. and this is pointless because suddenly i just dont wanna write.

February 2, 2016

several things.

i. the wedding was a success i can say. although it was a bit kelam kabut here and there. aku a bit stressed out that day but there was teya helped all along. at least she isnt like most of them.

ii. it's weird when suddenly the day i thought would never happen is here. kakak is a married woman and after this it'll be (probably) me. or ika, or teya.

iii. tak perlu sebenarnya nak beritahu cerita yang tak habis, yang tak tahu hujung pangkal dan kemudian buat rata rata mereka yang mendengar, salah sangka. i hate this kind of people, doesnt matter if you're a relative or not.

iv. be the parents who ask their child what's the matter rather than ask their other child about what had happened.

v. be the parents who give advices rather than scream in their child's face.

vi. be the kind of parents who help, not making jokes about their child's flaws.

vii. be a child who forgives. ways, be a child who forgives.

February 1, 2016

maybe i did hurt myself again.

if a daughter hurt her parents feelings, she will be surely rotten in hell. but what happens then when her parents hurt hers?