December 29, 2016

damn feels

one thing for sure, you should finish what you've started. especially bila kau tulis dengan perasaan. well, everyone writes with feelings aren't we? yesterday i felt so warm blankets and after rains. today feels more like shit. ada tulisan yang tak habis semalam dan the flowery me only happened yesterday. oh god why everything turned shits today? oh goddd.

December 17, 2016


maybe i should write something even more depressing. just like my feelings right now. you see, i've become more and more calculative these days. i count how long would you take to reply my message(s), count how much you uttered your love towards me, i count how much i should reach to buy all the things you want in the world. i count how much i've invest and how much longer can i stand. sure, parents know how hard it is to raise a kid.

i woke up to a dream of in loved with my colleague when i know for certain i can never in love with everybody else just because i crave attention so much. aku fikir, maybe this is what heartbroken people do. the absence is real. the lost, is real.

December 15, 2016

if you're wondering what i'm doing

today, i felt like i was in a surgery room conducting a surgery.

it all started when few TM members reported that they couldnt login to the system. you see, that's what it's like to be in a maintenance team working with networks running everyday non-stop for 365 days; you have to act fast. nak tak nak, you have to understand that delaying can also cause death. or what our bosses said, "we arent just maintaining systems, our actions can cost people's lives."

i remembered, you were saying as if this kind of 'engineering' job is somewhat 'too common'. and i was sitting there making my ok face sebab i realized this 'too common' job's gonna pay hell lot in 2 years time you just wait.

i know i said that having lots of money doesnt count as success. be real, people pay you alot when you have experiences so blame the society. it's okay though cause someday, imma start my own kickstarter and blow your mind to pieces you can no longer talk.

December 12, 2016

little of now

last two weeks, i had a - what you might called - short vacation to terengganu. the purpose was mainly to attend my friend's wedding. plus, i just had to stay outside of kuala lumpur for awhile.

meeting old course mates was somewhat brings back memories though i dont have much i could remember about them. it was fun anyway. tak percaya that we grow up so fast. i started thinking about buying a house already. when i brought this up to him - of saving for a house - he chuckled, disbelief of what he just heard out of me. i, somehow, aged so much.

when i was in primary, i thought, this day would never came. i'd never got old. i didnt even think i will pass marriage stage, not this far for sure. i dont know. i just felt like that. it happened still. it is happening. i got a job that doesnt require me to drive to work and it's amazing. life's amazing. at least for now.