March 27, 2016

faker alert.

when you never go to starbucks and stopped going to mcdonalds because you are the so called anti jews but when you were offered to work in intel with a starting salary of 2.5k and promised to be paid 3.2k after a year, you went uttered, "sometimes, bukan semua benda boleh dielak."

irony, isn't it?

March 26, 2016

massive.

i. to be honest, to be reaaaally honest, i'm not ready yet to be a wife.

ii. it's not like it's gonna happen now but the thought of it scares the shit outta me.

iii. i have so many things going around but right now, i'd appreciate myself if i could just shut the fuck up.

iv.  you don't have to be so nice because a success person i knew was not a nice person at all but rather an asshole. he left a company that marked the world history.

v. frustrated over the unseen scholarship money, she mourned about it everyday non stop. later on when it is in her account, she treated her boyfriend and spent all the money to herself. so i guess this is the typical jpa's holders. arent they lucky bitches? quite a good decision that the government stopped giving out the money especially if it meant to be in the hands of these ungrateful people.

vi. i am eager to cut my hair short. very.

March 17, 2016

can't stop now, have to keep going.

i. here's the thing, youth is only once. so make full of it. get enough rest but not too much because you dont wanna miss on something. wake up early as you can and start brighten up yourself. work hard, play hard, invent hard, pray hard. because you can.

ii. once you slow down, you know the next day you have to boost up no matter what.

iii. i need to always remind myself that i'm gonna end this semester as fruitful as i can.

March 15, 2016

a start of something not new.

at first it was that i wanted to always remind myself to keep being patient and not complaining, exactly refering to my future post. but then, the feel is not there yet/anymore(?) aku hilang rasa untuk menceritakan those little things yang aku always jot down so one day in the future, i would read it back again. 

you know when you write something because it's something you always loved to do but one day, you are given a task, and you do your best but still it doesnt feel like the best you can do, like it's not working anymore, and you feel like you need a break. 

so now self, do i need one?


March 12, 2016

unsettled.

i. second time of watching Steve Jobs movie, my friend. second time.

ii. i read through YA's and today, at the age of twenty-four, i have been told to write a response paper. i don't even.

iii. let's talk about something else aside than school life... well. fuck it.

iv. things are moving very slow. and kl is fucking steaming i hate it here very much.

v. you know, forget it. 15 minutes of exactly thinking everything to write but end up with particularly not so much. i hate to be in this room.

March 6, 2016

i hope this one settles for the longest.

they say, this age will probably the phase that nothing works out for you. it's not that you cannot do it but everyone is probably doing better than you. aku tak tahu whether i should believe it or not. being twenty-four is scary enough.

dan jalan yang telah ditetapkan mungkin tak selurus jalan mereka. dan mungkin lebih baik daripada apa yang ada. he once said, "belum sampai setahun menganggur, tak perlu menggelupur." i know he was quite mad.

i hate being in this circle. mungkin abah juga pernah merasai benda yang sama, of having shining and successful friends when you are just stuck here searching for a place to settle in. but he's different. he's smarter. he figured everything at the age of 30.

ada tiga benda yang aku janji pada diri: 1) jangan settle until you find a sweet environment that you find comfortable enough for you to face it every day. 2) you know you dont travel as much as everyone but when you do, you'd travel far. 3) you don't have anything expensive like everyone would have and show off to but you're chasing your dream, better than anyone would have.

March 3, 2016

life as a whole in a day.

started my day with some conversation about politics and how it destroys our life more or less and ended up with him saying, "fuck politics."

in between, a random guy came and said, "saya dah dua kali kahwin, sama je rasa dia? macam takde apa. jadi duda lagi best, tak ada apa nak serabut."

which made me saying, "mungkin dia tak jumpa lagi someone yang betul boleh bagi dia apa yang dia nak atau mungkin dia sendiri tak ada effort untuk dapatkan apa yang dia nak." which i made up my mind saying people are desperate to find what they really want until they lose sense of  what exactly they want. 

i ended my day with some conversation about Tun Mahathir and Nazri and Tunku Abdul Rahman and in the end i said, "fuck politics."

March 1, 2016

nota-nota, lagi-lagi.

i. sedang The Danish Girl dimainkan, aku cuba untuk menafsir bait-bait skrip yang diutarakan. ternyata, sarah seorang yang deep.

ii. sebenarnya, sangat tidak masuk akal untuk seorang isteri menyokong penuh keinginan si suami untuk menukar jantina. it's not normal. and it hurts, so much.

iii. kuala lumpur is burning. kuala lumpur is burning, hard.

iv. aku adalah manusia yang tidak biasa berseorangan. eventhough sometimes i enjoyed it very much, being alone. tapi bukan dalam keadaan maha panas, terperuk di dalam bilik maha kecil ini.

v. i'm in desperate need of escapism.