July 29, 2013

Truth.

There, there. Here comes the feeling I thought I've lost it.

Fear.
Anger.
Confused.

Truth hurts. And that's exactly what I should do, by telling the truth. But I wasn't. It's too hurtful. It's gonna cut quite deep.

Selamat memakan diri, hati.

July 25, 2013

Pencarian.

Semoga pencarian ini membuahkan hasil. Kalaupun bukan hasil, mungkin usaha yang berterusan. Dan sabar sebagai peneman.

Titik.

Kau tak tahu
Betapa aku rindu
Untuk terbang di awanan
Dan menari di bulan

Kau tak tahu
Aku punya hati batu
Yang kata tak mahu
Dengan nada kayu

Kau tak tahu
Kau hanya satu
Dan kau perlu
Berlari tanpa aku

Satu hari nanti

July 23, 2013

Jatuh.

Jatuh.
Jatuh pada kata-kata adalah sesuatu yang indah pada aku. Pada, bagaimana ia menyelami perkataan dan menghargai metafora.

Jatuh.
Jatuh pada janji-janji adalah lain pula bagi aku. Janji dan keikhlasan. Kadang buat aku letih. Letih berdiri di atas lutut goyah yang bakal rebah antara kepercayaan dan keikhlasan.

Sometimes, I rather not think about it.

Kadang kata-kata berupa harapan, bukanlah seperti yang kita harapkan. Dan menjadi sesuatu yang kita pegang, adalah untuk tidak mudah memberi kepercayaan. Untuk tidak mudah jatuh.

Puasa.


Right now, at this very moment, I really feel like eating something, craving for every food I've seen, I've imagined. Ya, aku berpuasa. Dan kecelakaan yang berlaku di dalam perut aku telah menghantar aku ke dunia lain dan bermimpi. Not literally mimpi, if you know what I mean.

It's been 13 years or less you've been fasting. Takkan tak larat kot?

Maybe my nafs is getting stronger by years,
Maybe I've become weaker by days.

July 20, 2013

Attachment.

It's hard, when you have a crush towards your best friend. Or friends. When you're already with someone.


Funny, when I realized that I have so much love to give.
Or maybe,

it's just the contained emptiness.

July 18, 2013

Sigh.

Nak menangis pun dah tak guna
Mungkin betul tiada rezeki. Mungkin rezeki yang bakal tiba lebih bermakna dari yang diharapkan.

I'm kinda fed up of 'maybe' thoughts.

Intro-extra-vert.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like I really need to stop reading. Because only then, I see that there are mortals around me. That there is a whole world, a real one, is trying to talk to me instead of me having conversations with dear self.

I don't know anymore, if reading is a good thing.

July 12, 2013

Ugh

When these people can't stop complaining about how miserable their life is. How because of that one opportunity they get, that people like us didn't get it, and they just can't stop whining, and it's annoying. Really really annoying, that they should just stfu, and be grateful instead.

Is it that hard? To say thanks? Rather than eternally complaining?

July 8, 2013

Youth.

Warmed touches,
it heat
through every inch
of 
her skin,
of
forbidden places,
she shouldn't 
have let him.

And she misses those traces,
of curiosity
the
devilish
stares,
of eager
eyes
and hunger
lusts.

Death.

Destroying
one self
has been a new
way
of
killing
one self,
of
a slow suicide
very
sly
and mischief.

One can never
kill
one self
as in direct
and
fastest,
but one can always
be invisible
and that
is
also
being
dead.

July 4, 2013

Curiosity.

I have this urging curiosness going around
About cigarette
And the whole of its existing architectural
How it became a sweet-sweetful thought
Of me sucking it.

I studied and wondered
How the dust and the chemicals
Steaming the throat
Heating the bronchioles
Warming the nerves
And
Gives a contained satisfaction.

'If you wanna know how does it feel like, you have to try.
That my friend, is a complete discovery.'
Says me.

The day when I can't sleep.

Today
I can't sleep
Maybe I can if I try hard.
You complained on how early I hit the shack lately
That you've waited for me
Even if it takes the whole night.

Funny
How am I not feel tired at all
Funnier
How am I not sleepy a bit
Like have you sucked my sleepness darling
Because you're now sleeping soundly
While i'm here wondering of why my eyes are hardly shut.

July 3, 2013

Preoccupined.

Pieces.

It's been awhile, right?
Life has been good
I'm no longer jobless now
And I wish that September comes sooner
So I can quit early.

I'm average
Sometimes i'm happy with people around
And sometimes I wish the day just end faster.

It's funny when you love someone so much and suddenly the thought came and it was like, you really think you're gonna marry him? Like, don't you remember God and his plans?

I'm glad I have a stepmom
Sometimes, you need other moms because that one mom you have, doesn't understand you.
I was thinking that when the day mom's gone, what would I react, how?
And
I can't think.