November 26, 2015

perplexed(adj.)

you were walking in the hallway searching to which room you should enter not really thinking whether the room is locked or not, whether you have the key to the room. you know you need to find a room. walking there was unsafe, that was what you thought. suddenly, you came across someone you knew. it was weird because you were looking but he did not. in fact, his glassy eyes clearly showed he didn't wanna have any conversation with you. so, you keep on walking.

you remembered those times when you guys were not as stranger as now.

you reached for your phone then and you scrolled on your twitter. you thought maybe that you could forget what was just happening. you scrolled and you came across a tweet, saying those times when you were both staring at the same moon. it was beautiful. it was another guy from the other star.

you thought leaving would cure you. and you were.

you reached the room you thought the most suitable and the most real. you entered without knocking as if you knew it was meant for you. and there he was standing with open arms. you smiled. and you hugged back. and it was the warmest hug you thought. but then, it was too long. and the hug was getting tighter. you were hardly breathed so you let it go. you pushed too hard that you bounced onto the wall through the door. the door slamed and locked, forever.

you were tired. tired of looking for a comfort room. you thought you should go back to the beginning. but the beginning was so far away.

ironically, someone came. someone from the beginning. he said he wanted to fix you. he was broken too. and so you thought maybe you could fix him too. you were both curing. you were both living. you hoped so.

November 14, 2015

i'm praying for us. i really do.

i. you know, the after rain weather is always the nicest weather ever.

ii. you know, we should start our own garden and i can pick a flower or two after four to five months and we can make our own beautiful arrangement and i can give it to old couples in the park.

iii. i sound like a typical tumblr girl although i refused to live a life so cliche but somehow, a girl needs to dream.

iv. i cant wait for graduation and real world because God knows i'm ready.

November 7, 2015

hello productivity like in a fucking 3AM i kid you not.

you know when you're so happy that all of the happiness you feel is sucking all of your sleep neurons to the brain. at that moment, you're thinking of doing the impossible, possible. like bullshitting on etsy and pinterest, tweets about all of your unsteady electric sparks in your heart, think about how your brain function.

basically, you're barely yourself at 3AM.

'for you, and your denial.' - i got the guts to post this.

satu hari nanti, tulisan-tulisan aku akan menjadi satu tulisan yang bercabang hanya kepada beberapa tajuk berkaitan. aku akan berhenti berfikir tentang tajuk-tajuk untuk tulisan-tulisan aku yang baru. aku akan berhenti untuk menilai bagaimana sesuatu tajuk berkait rapat dengan sesuatu tulisan. kerana kehidupan itu satu bulatan. bulatan yang membentuk satu bulatan yang lain. berpusing, berputar pada kadar yang berbeza tetapi mempunyai perhentian-perhentian yang secara kasarnya adalah lebih kurang sama. kita tidak mencipta memori baru. kita berjalan pada keadaan yang sama dengan watak dan susana yang sedikit berbeza padahal semua adalah satu plot yang diulang-ulang. selamat datang kepada dunia yang pernah, sedang dan akan terus melakar kita pada kertas yang sama sehingga kita mati.

November 6, 2015

yes, i do shit surveys to get extra money for myself so i can go shop things i cannot buy in my country.

paidviewpoint is where you spend little of your time to answer on surveys and they'll pay y'all for it. although it's not much but this is so far, the best i gain compared to others that i tried.

so if you're willing to try, please click here. goodluck!

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November 4, 2015

of being friends with ex(es) (2)

blogspot is not my safest place anymore. instead, it never is. this time, you may have googled me. and you may have found my twitter, goodreads, tumblr and my other self in here. and you may have gone through it, all of it. i'm not regretting from who i was and who i have become. go ahead. judge me. i aint gonna give a single shit about it.