April 17, 2017

good things are coming

good news come like after rain. orang-orang yang aku look up to so much in my life, sikit-sikit, taking a leap to a more mature self. improving. it's good. it's good.

anyway, i have a lot to write in which aku tak tahu macam mana untuk cut them into phrases atau flow yang sedap dibaca.

kalau aku boleh tunjukkan macam mana flow hidup aku dalam bentuk graph sekarang ni, i would be more than grateful. however, i dont know where should i start. coming here, settle down. cari rumah, kenal dengan orang baru, managing own financial, surviving, adapting. tak sangka i passed through all of it. syukur. terima kasih kepada yang turut sama ada dalam proses ini. serius. nak mula, bukan senang.

aku masih lagi macam ni. belajar untuk mengenal orang in a polite way. belajar untuk tak judge. belajar untuk sebolehnya faham dengan situasi orang. bersyukur sebab tuhan letak aku jauh daripada orang-orang dan perkara-perkara negatif. bersyukur dengan apa ada. walaupun tak mewah tapi aku rasa cukup. kesan daripada semua ni, aku memilih untuk look forward in life. untuk tak takut untuk teruskan hidup. dengan izin tuhan, semoga Dia mudahkan. 

April 7, 2017

kalau bukan di sini, di mana?

it's been like almost 9 years aku bermastautin(?) di bumi Kuala Lumpur. who would've thought, i'm gonna end up here. well, at least for now isnt it? once, aku cakap kat one of my friends, "i wouldnt wanna work or settle in here, in KL. especially not here." dengan nada bongkak habis. look now, i'm licking my own shit figuratively.

i'm standing in a rapid moving train.

why not here?

entah. boleh kata, macam macam was on my mind. traffic jams. biggest worry. tolls. communication skills and confidence, which i lack. also, i wanted a long distance relationship. i wanted it to look more like i dont need someone more important than my family. but, i couldnt. habis belajar, terus cari kerja di sini. thinking there wont be any problem since kakak is here in KL. and i was wrong. she moved somewhere outside KL. that is still ok though. maybe, i have always liked it here.

what i liked about here?

the people. the faces. the cafes. the every building is a walking distance reach. the public transport. the bookshops. the sounds. the air. the foods. the homelesses. the parks. the overprice foods.

kalau aku bukan di sini, aku di mana?

ini bukan comfort zone. aku tahu, i'm growing. each and every month, i'm building up my self-worth, my net worth. loving, every inch of me each and everyday. kalau bukan di sini, mungkin bukan aku yang kau sepatutnya jumpa sekarang ini. dan, it's gonna be a very sad me. it's going to be very very sad.

April 2, 2017

catitan yang ditinggalkan.

March 26th, 2017

teringat teater terang malam yang aku tonton bersama syafiqah tempoh hari. berapa lama usia tempoh hari sebenarnya? selama ni aku tak pernah ambil tahu. memang benar lah orang kata, we tend to write when we sad. or confused. or just dont feel anything at all.

oh, tentang terang malam. 3 watak sepanjang penceritaan. lelaki, perempuan dan seorang tua lelaki bersama ukulele yang singgah di galeri lelaki, mengemis. aku mengelamun di tengah cerita. mungkin skrip mereka terlalu meleret untuk dihadam. i'm easily distracted ok. it was my first time watching teater too. i'd give 6.2/10. because of the plot twist.

right now i feel my life is more like watching it goes by. i am blessed, more or less. dan memang sepatutnya. everyone's getting married. everyone's travelling. it's good.


April 2nd, 2017

so, 1st quarter of 2017 sudah pun menjadi sejarah. so, how's yours? was it good or are you still catching up while hardly breathe?

aku masih lagi mengira masa-masa terbuang yang bakal dihisab. i came across a whatsapp status yang berbunyi, "sedarilah handphone adalah sesuatu yang sangat ringan dibawa oleh orang di dunia, namun di akhirat akan menjadi berat hisabnya. maka gunakanlah handphone untuk agamamu demi kebahagiaan di akhirat." when was the last time i thought about this? 2006 or something?

i used to not think about money too much. masalah kewangan bukan menjadi masalah nombor satu kalau disenaraikan bersama masalah-masalah lain. tapi sekarang semuanya bercelaru. i'm not slipping off track either. ah, ini bukan apa-apa. langgar.

meanwhile, 6 months old sayyidah nafisah.