attention seekers.

apparently, acting sweet with your husband on camera is the new hipster.

before midnight

i know a guy who's good with words. sometimes you feel like slapping his face is more relevant than actually believe what he throws out of his mouth. to label him as a sweet talker i'd say, you can put that in the list too. he's too honest. can someone be too honest really.

it's like he's pretending to be someone he's not. but to be honest, i know him more than he knows himself. he did say that. mungkin aku lebih banyak bersimpati dengan dia rather than actually think that he's my friend. i dont know. we are now not who we were back then. and this is pointless because suddenly i just dont wanna write.

several things.

i. the wedding was a success i can say. although it was a bit kelam kabut here and there. aku a bit stressed out that day but there was teya helped all along. at least she isnt like most of them.

ii. it's weird when suddenly the day i thought would never happen is here. kakak is a married woman and after this it'll be (probably) me. or ika, or teya.

iii. tak perlu sebenarnya nak beritahu cerita yang tak habis, yang tak tahu hujung pangkal dan kemudian buat rata rata mereka yang mendengar, salah sangka. i hate this kind of people, doesnt matter if you're a relative or not.

iv. be the parents who ask their child what's the matter rather than ask their other child about what had happened.

v. be the parents who give advices rather than scream in their child's face.

vi. be the kind of parents who help, not making jokes about their child's flaws.

vii. be a child who forgives. ways, be a child who forgives.

maybe i did hurt myself again.

if a daughter hurt her parents feelings, she will be surely rotten in hell. but what happens then when her parents hurt hers?

wedding prep; time flies so fast

when you have a brain that can do calculation quickly, you're lucky in any ways. aku selalu fikir bahawa to have that kind of ability is not something that semua orang perlu. tambahan lagi dizaman yang dimana rata rata orang mempunyai calculator. but then, who would want to take out their phone just to calculate a simple mathematics.

anyway, i never liked mathematics i dont have any idea why i'm majoring in engineering.

anywayy, marriage is one big thing. preparing for it is tiresome. however, melihatkan kakak dan ika sama sama do all these tiresome things without complaining, i couldnt disappoint them. in fact, i liked it this way.

what'll happen after this? i wouldnt wanna know.

.

i. seharian waktu aku dihabiskan dengan mendengar ceramah tentang bagaimana mudahnya manusia dimanipulasikam dengan wang.

ii. observation is a pure knowledge too, with a condition that you understand what your eyes are trying to tell.

iii. pardon me, you're not worth my time.

iv. aku akan selalu hairan dengan manusia serta kekayaannya.

v. you know religions? they make you spend 10k for your death. they created 3 millions gods for you to pray only to what your ancestors prayed to.

vi. we live poor in order to die rich.

LPS - last paper syndrome, probably.

dulu, aku selalu diperdengarkan cerita-cerita tentang student yang masih belajar sedangkan majoriti kawan-kawan dah bekerja. and how unsettled they felt about it. now, look at me. i'm feeling it now.

enam tahun stranded at the same place. ya think? ofcourse, some of my friends are saying that i should be grateful. that this is great because i dont really have problem blending in. that is certainly not true because the last thing i would do is to get to know new people.

2013, they were there. now, i dont know where they are or where they've been. and i dont give a shit about it. counting people coming in and out of your life is a waste of time. talking about it also is a waste because it happens everywhere in the world. it happens within you too. you left. you just dont remember when it happen.

we tend to write more when we have absolutely nothing to write.

i. kebanyakan masa aku dihabiskan dengan menulis tentang tulisan, which is really, the last thing i should do. mana entah diri aku yang lebih banyak masanya dihabiskan dengan membaca. berhibernasi mungkin.

ii. aku, seriously lost interest right now in searching for new books to read. lagi bila memikirkan buku-buku yang tak terbaca. and i mention or remind myself about this almost everyday yet, it's the same thing thorough.

iii. everything is like the same thing over again and it's a waste of time. basically, my time.

iv. i used to read posts about people worshiping Jesus. they wrote good stuff tho. i just happened to not read them anymore. people do change very quickly don't they?

v. aku, seriously, tak ready untuk semester depan. yeah shit. i am 24 and still on my degree. i said slowly, and yes i am, enjoying my last bit of being a student.

vi. or maybe all of this is just bullshit.

shame on you, self.

let's just put it this way. be yourself. be the usual you, who don't give a single fuck about others, or those people who you think are cool. because you are so ignorant and too self-obsessed. because they don't fucking care. don't try. that'll only make you look stupid. do your own thing because you fucking can. so my advice is, be fucking ignorant dear self. be fucking ignorant.

the year is 2016.

i'm gonna make a bold decision. i'm gonna make this blog public. i mean of course it is public but not everyone knows about it. it's not that i'm gonna tell everyone about it but i'm gonna paste it somewhere. will someone talk about it? yes. will he be mad? probably. but everything is in the past now right? and the reason you decided on this? idk. i just need people to know i'm exist. i'm exist.

just wait till i change my mind and decide to go hide myself away again.