cut me half and count my rings

Truth.

There, there. Here comes the feeling I thought I've lost it.

Fear.
Anger.
Confused.

Truth hurts. And that's exactly what I should do, by telling the truth. But I wasn't. It's too hurtful. It's gonna cut quite deep.

Pencarian.

Semoga pencarian ini membuahkan hasil. Kalaupun bukan hasil, mungkin usaha yang berterusan. Dan sabar sebagai peneman.

Titik.

Kau tak tahu
Betapa aku rindu
Untuk terbang di awanan
Dan menari di bulan

Kau tak tahu
Aku punya hati batu
Yang kata tak mahu
Dengan nada kayu

Kau tak tahu
Kau hanya satu
Dan kau perlu
Berlari tanpa aku

Satu hari nanti

Jatuh.

Jatuh.
Jatuh pada kata-kata adalah sesuatu yang indah pada aku. Pada, bagaimana ia menyelami perkataan dan menghargai metafora.

Jatuh.
Jatuh pada janji-janji adalah lain pula bagi aku. Janji dan keikhlasan. Kadang buat aku letih. Letih berdiri di atas lutut goyah yang bakal rebah antara kepercayaan dan keikhlasan.

Sometimes, I rather not think about it.

Kadang kata-kata berupa harapan, bukanlah seperti yang kita harapkan. Dan menjadi sesuatu yang kita pegang, adalah untuk tidak mudah memberi kepercayaan. Untuk tidak mudah jatuh.

Right now, at this very moment, I really feel like eating something, craving for every food I've seen, I've imagined. Ya, aku berpuasa. Dan kecelakaan yang berlaku di dalam perut aku telah menghantar aku ke dunia lain dan bermimpi. Not literally mimpi, if you know what I mean.

It's been 13 years or less you've been fasting. Takkan tak larat kot?

Maybe my nafs is getting stronger by years,
Maybe I've become weaker by days.

Attachment.

It's hard, when you have a crush towards your best friend. Or friends. When you're already with someone.

Funny, when I realized that I have so much love to give.

Or maybe,

it's just the contained emptiness.

Sigh.

Nak menangis pun dah tak guna
Mungkin betul tiada rezeki. Mungkin rezeki yang bakal tiba lebih bermakna dari yang diharapkan.

I'm kinda fed up of 'maybe' thoughts.

Intro-extra-vert.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like I really need to stop reading. Because only then, I see that there are mortals around me. That there is a whole world, a real one, is trying to talk to me instead of me having conversations with dear self.

I don't know anymore, if reading is a good thing.

Ugh

When these people can't stop complaining about how miserable their life is. How because of that one opportunity they get, that people like us didn't get it, and they just can't stop whining, and it's annoying. Really really annoying, that they should just stfu, and be grateful instead.

Is it that hard? To say thanks? Rather than eternally complaining?