i. i listen to jazz a lot more lately. it keeps me calm. and it kinda reminds me of Japan.
ii. manusia yang tenang adalah manusia yang dapat mengawal kesihatan mental dan fizikal seterusnya mengawal keadaan di sekililingnya.
iii. i always know that i liked confused thriller than drama/romantic comedy.
iv. sometimes, it does feel like own a transport is easier. somehow, what i'm having now teaches me to be patient and grateful. i keep reminding myself about this.
v. god i love how soft my hair is now. thank you dear self.
what the hell?
Tiada kata manis yang terungkap untuk kau ku bagi keupayaan buat terbang menerobos ruang angkasa.
-- 11/05/2012.
quick update on life
actually, nothing much.
i rarely read books nowadays, even questioned how some people can manage reading continuously. correction, i dont even read anymore. i'm in readers block phase.
10km for a beginner runner wasnt easy yet i achieved that. big applause to dear self. dan selepas itu wujudlah series of scam trainings serta alasan alasan untuk tidak turun berlari. i dont wanna fool myself thinking i wanna do it but i actually dont. tunggu lah bila ada mood.
sesi lepak masih berjalan seperti biasa. kawan kawan yang belum berkahwin, bercadang untuk berkahwin, tiada plan berkahwin, duduk rapat satu meja berdiskusi tentang rumahtangga orang lain. favourite. you cannot miss this kinda thing.
i dont know the word 'makan berhidang' until one of my friends pointed it out. ya kami makan berhidang. makan pagi pukul 9 dan berakhir pada jam 11. we talk about anything, everything. i think that's what family's about. you share, or you just listen. waktu makan adalah waktu yang paling aku tunggu. tak perlu rokok cuma air panas dan momen momen.
aku masih berfikir fikir untuk memiliki sebiji mirrorless. dan duit untuk travel.. mungkin nanti.
i rarely read books nowadays, even questioned how some people can manage reading continuously. correction, i dont even read anymore. i'm in readers block phase.
10km for a beginner runner wasnt easy yet i achieved that. big applause to dear self. dan selepas itu wujudlah series of scam trainings serta alasan alasan untuk tidak turun berlari. i dont wanna fool myself thinking i wanna do it but i actually dont. tunggu lah bila ada mood.
sesi lepak masih berjalan seperti biasa. kawan kawan yang belum berkahwin, bercadang untuk berkahwin, tiada plan berkahwin, duduk rapat satu meja berdiskusi tentang rumahtangga orang lain. favourite. you cannot miss this kinda thing.
i dont know the word 'makan berhidang' until one of my friends pointed it out. ya kami makan berhidang. makan pagi pukul 9 dan berakhir pada jam 11. we talk about anything, everything. i think that's what family's about. you share, or you just listen. waktu makan adalah waktu yang paling aku tunggu. tak perlu rokok cuma air panas dan momen momen.
aku masih berfikir fikir untuk memiliki sebiji mirrorless. dan duit untuk travel.. mungkin nanti.
happy 1 year anniversary, dear self.
hello. long time no write.
it's not actually that long it's just, i used to write 3-4 post a month. dan ini bukan posting sedih.
taknak sound cliche but... life has been very good to me this past months. i am blessed. i am blessed for every little thing that you'd probably be annoyed by now. that sometimes, aku rasa that i dont deserve this much blessings. macam, i am happy but some people are having it worse i feel guilty for having such feelings. i am allowed to but life is a running wheel.
once, a good friend of mine said, "kau bagilah camera apa pun kat sarah, the pictures will turn out good." also, i wrote "i am a fast learner" in my resume. i just wanted to point that out. anyway, i actually prayed hard for a job that specifically has a non-stressful and good environment kinda job, like real hard. my degree doesn't deserve this? well, suck my ass. also, thanks for all the advises and supports i get from lovely people you guys are the real mvp i am so grateful.
meanwhile, here's my 2017 achievements so far because... (i am allowed to.)
ps// 5th: gained weight also lost 0.7kg later on. 7th: not yet achieved but insyaAllah.
pps// funny as we turned older, we no longer talk much about who gets better marks but who gets better pay/opportunity/career. i always find it exhausting to talk about people.
it's not actually that long it's just, i used to write 3-4 post a month. dan ini bukan posting sedih.
taknak sound cliche but... life has been very good to me this past months. i am blessed. i am blessed for every little thing that you'd probably be annoyed by now. that sometimes, aku rasa that i dont deserve this much blessings. macam, i am happy but some people are having it worse i feel guilty for having such feelings. i am allowed to but life is a running wheel.
once, a good friend of mine said, "kau bagilah camera apa pun kat sarah, the pictures will turn out good." also, i wrote "i am a fast learner" in my resume. i just wanted to point that out. anyway, i actually prayed hard for a job that specifically has a non-stressful and good environment kinda job, like real hard. my degree doesn't deserve this? well, suck my ass. also, thanks for all the advises and supports i get from lovely people you guys are the real mvp i am so grateful.
meanwhile, here's my 2017 achievements so far because... (i am allowed to.)
ps// 5th: gained weight also lost 0.7kg later on. 7th: not yet achieved but insyaAllah.
pps// funny as we turned older, we no longer talk much about who gets better marks but who gets better pay/opportunity/career. i always find it exhausting to talk about people.
somewhere.
halfway July i realized i need to set new goals. or really just take goals seriously.
come to think of it, does success mean running a business and have shitload of money? el-o-el. i dont know anymore.
patutlah orang cakap, you are what your circles are. bukan orang biasa biasa cakap, imam syafie also said so, sahabat nabi, successful people you name it. also in this case, people you follow on social media. your 'friends' on social media. it's weird tho sebab people are so different there.
being where i am now, looking back, i dont know what i really want anymore. seeing people showing off how successful they are, i dont know IF i am getting somewhere. of course, aku belajar something. but, is this it? i'm not lost but also i am not there. not yet. perhaps, jauh lagi.
aku yang tak sabar ke? atau people are moving too fast? or is it only happen to certain people?
of questions yang tak ada jawapan.
come to think of it, does success mean running a business and have shitload of money? el-o-el. i dont know anymore.
patutlah orang cakap, you are what your circles are. bukan orang biasa biasa cakap, imam syafie also said so, sahabat nabi, successful people you name it. also in this case, people you follow on social media. your 'friends' on social media. it's weird tho sebab people are so different there.
being where i am now, looking back, i dont know what i really want anymore. seeing people showing off how successful they are, i dont know IF i am getting somewhere. of course, aku belajar something. but, is this it? i'm not lost but also i am not there. not yet. perhaps, jauh lagi.
aku yang tak sabar ke? atau people are moving too fast? or is it only happen to certain people?
of questions yang tak ada jawapan.
raya post?
semenjak dua menjak ni, aku cepat terasa. entahlah. mungkin kadang-kadang aku terlalu kasar, banyak sakat, banyak membahan orang dan sebagainya, tanpa fikir the consequences. i might have hurt people more than what i thought i've had, thinking i was funny.
i tried to play it cool. i'm still playing it cool.
communication is really not my thing. i also hate comfortableness. it opens the gate for people to really just throw everything not realizing whether they really mean it or not. one thing to consider is to make people laugh by not making fun of them. people will pay you twice deeper.
to whoever i've hurt, i'm sorry to say this. you probably deserved it. and so do i.
also, selamat hari raya.
i tried to play it cool. i'm still playing it cool.
communication is really not my thing. i also hate comfortableness. it opens the gate for people to really just throw everything not realizing whether they really mean it or not. one thing to consider is to make people laugh by not making fun of them. people will pay you twice deeper.
to whoever i've hurt, i'm sorry to say this. you probably deserved it. and so do i.
also, selamat hari raya.
rubbish
i. masih relevant kah untuk miserable at the age of 25? especially when you have steady job, a place to stay, sufficient amount of money, friends and family? guess i need to be thankful often.
ii. i thought i got it all good. macam, why do i have to be a girl? with emotions.. oh god.
iii. pernah sekali, atau beberapa attempts untuk aku jadi someone other than myself. guess what? i regret it a lot.
iv. i just dont really share things with people on socmed. i do sometimes but i'd feel the need to delete it later.
v. and why am i still up at 1 am i do not know.
ii. i thought i got it all good. macam, why do i have to be a girl? with emotions.. oh god.
iii. pernah sekali, atau beberapa attempts untuk aku jadi someone other than myself. guess what? i regret it a lot.
iv. i just dont really share things with people on socmed. i do sometimes but i'd feel the need to delete it later.
v. and why am i still up at 1 am i do not know.
rndm thghts.
i. i found myself reading to the same blog entry almost as ritual. it's fascinating to the extent of how much it affects my writings these days.
ii. not that i'd write often but that's just how things are.
iii. anyway, i found murakami isnt as cool as the murakami i used to read.
iv. also, i found stephen chbowsky doppleganger. i hope he is. or better. lets just pray for that.
v. i fold bed covers and use it as a pillow. it's so comfortable i'd suggest everyone to try it.
vi. it's ramadhan 4th. i'm doing better, hoping for everyone too.
vii. a year and a half after kakak's marriage, there will be ika's. and abah is asking me when is my turn more often now.
viii. i dont feel like i'm gonna get through marriage, not until i turn 30. it's scary to have that thought. that i'm not gonna get married soon, not in a year or two but more.
ii. not that i'd write often but that's just how things are.
iii. anyway, i found murakami isnt as cool as the murakami i used to read.
iv. also, i found stephen chbowsky doppleganger. i hope he is. or better. lets just pray for that.
v. i fold bed covers and use it as a pillow. it's so comfortable i'd suggest everyone to try it.
vi. it's ramadhan 4th. i'm doing better, hoping for everyone too.
vii. a year and a half after kakak's marriage, there will be ika's. and abah is asking me when is my turn more often now.
viii. i dont feel like i'm gonna get through marriage, not until i turn 30. it's scary to have that thought. that i'm not gonna get married soon, not in a year or two but more.
good things are coming
good news come like after rain. orang-orang yang aku look up to so much in my life, sikit-sikit, taking a leap to a more mature self. improving. it's good. it's good.
anyway, i have a lot to write in which aku tak tahu macam mana untuk cut them into phrases atau flow yang sedap dibaca.
kalau aku boleh tunjukkan macam mana flow hidup aku dalam bentuk graph sekarang ni, i would be more than grateful. however, i dont know where should i start. coming here, settle down. cari rumah, kenal dengan orang baru, managing own financial, surviving, adapting. tak sangka i passed through all of it. syukur. terima kasih kepada yang turut sama ada dalam proses ini. serius. nak mula, bukan senang.
aku masih lagi macam ni. belajar untuk mengenal orang in a polite way. belajar untuk tak judge. belajar untuk sebolehnya faham dengan situasi orang. bersyukur sebab tuhan letak aku jauh daripada orang-orang dan perkara-perkara negatif. bersyukur dengan apa ada. walaupun tak mewah tapi aku rasa cukup. kesan daripada semua ni, aku memilih untuk look forward in life. untuk tak takut untuk teruskan hidup. dengan izin tuhan, semoga Dia mudahkan.
kalau aku boleh tunjukkan macam mana flow hidup aku dalam bentuk graph sekarang ni, i would be more than grateful. however, i dont know where should i start. coming here, settle down. cari rumah, kenal dengan orang baru, managing own financial, surviving, adapting. tak sangka i passed through all of it. syukur. terima kasih kepada yang turut sama ada dalam proses ini. serius. nak mula, bukan senang.
aku masih lagi macam ni. belajar untuk mengenal orang in a polite way. belajar untuk tak judge. belajar untuk sebolehnya faham dengan situasi orang. bersyukur sebab tuhan letak aku jauh daripada orang-orang dan perkara-perkara negatif. bersyukur dengan apa ada. walaupun tak mewah tapi aku rasa cukup. kesan daripada semua ni, aku memilih untuk look forward in life. untuk tak takut untuk teruskan hidup. dengan izin tuhan, semoga Dia mudahkan.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)