after thinking about this over and over again for the past weeks, i decided today i’m going to publish a post. recap, my last post was on november 2018 which i dont remember what it was about and i am too lazy to reread. i write from tume to time but i just don’t have the will to publish anything.
life has been ups and downs. today marked 19 days of being unemployed. i sent a resign letter to the office on december 2018 before christmas. it was so sudden but the moment that you decide you are taking the turning point seriously, everything just falls right under your toes.
it’s a new year, again. happy new year everyone. please be happy.
iunno.
i have this airplane blanket that i keep for 3 years now. its just sweetly small. it covers me up from my shoulders down to my ankle so i usually roll myself up in it. it doesnt really warm you up but enough to keep you from the night chills. i'd bring this everywhere i go. well, occasionally. i think ive grown attached to it.
anyway, i just cried. in a freakin afternoon. its because suddenly i felt like i will never get what i really want from people. maybe its because i havent eat proper meal today that everything feels like shit. and also i'm skipping my evening run. i'm too old for this depression shit. but i still feel it anyway. it's not that life sucks but i don't know maybe what i have on the insides just sucks no matter how hard i try to refuse this whatever shits im feeling. it's weird.
anyway, i just cried. in a freakin afternoon. its because suddenly i felt like i will never get what i really want from people. maybe its because i havent eat proper meal today that everything feels like shit. and also i'm skipping my evening run. i'm too old for this depression shit. but i still feel it anyway. it's not that life sucks but i don't know maybe what i have on the insides just sucks no matter how hard i try to refuse this whatever shits im feeling. it's weird.
tangan yang menangkap angin. - abah
and to begin with, i have so many things to talk about. i left this blog untouched for two months. i also skipped some part of what really happened in my life. like i went to japan in may but i only wrote about penang trip and i went to kapas island in august and how i can do 50m swimming without stopping for air. these are the things i should write but you know, i spent too much time on twitter and netflix. writing nowadays feels like a shout into the void, quoting the fault in our stars. it feels like a waste of time. i'm really feeling it now. it's not about audience because i've been blogging (microblog) since 2009. i started blogspot in 2010. and up until now, people just stumble upon and move on. so it's like almost everything in this era. we live, we forget and we die. does living have value? it sure has but only last in a very short time. dunia yang cuma persinggahan.
weird day.
back at this blog because i dont wanna draw attention from the people i know in real life. well screw that. anyway have you ever suddenly snapped at a name and broke tears? like heavy tears. it happened today and i dont know why. the word 'abah' flashed and i couldnt stop crying. i got so anxious like something very bad is going to happen so i recited yassin to get myself calm and hoping, really, everyone will be just fine and that they're in god's care. i texted family members but i didnt talk about this. i'm still a little bit anxious but Abah is fine and everyone is now. i hope it's not something bad and that i'm just overthinking it. Abah is in brunei now please pray for him too.
a lifetime partner.
so a friend of mine asked if a person doesnt believe in marriage does s/he not worthy of happiness because of, believe me this thing happens, that the key to happiness is in marriage. i'm not sure where she got that but, "marriage is definitely a huge stepping stone," which i couldnt quite catch that at first when it was an answer to that.
stepping stone to a happy life?
what if you're already happy?
to threw such statement i think it's not strong enough. i need a concrete stand.
but i understand now. a man is a backbone for his woman. i mean, they complete each other. a marriage is solely to create a stronger faith. think about it. it's not about sex only or expanding your offspring.
this needs deeper learning but to really think why one needs to marry is the start.
and i think if you really hold onto your basic understanding, no decision is a bad decision.
i'm not hoping you'll get this but someday god will finally show you what you really want to know.
07052018
i. i just got back from penang sudden trip. i booked the ticket two weeks before took off. it was sudden. nowadays, everything seems like that. just like last year when we went to melaka for food trip. unplanned always works out fine.
ii. i tried not to talk about any future trip to any of my colleagues but i need them to know that i will not be available during my off days. so i talked. teringat abah cakap yang aku summed up kan kepada -- i really need to stand on my ground.
iii. i find that jumping from one job after another is really not an option for most people. it takes miracle. it really is above expectation. you may think it's easy, "just apply" "spam on the HR email" and what not. the world is fucked up. and none of us realize about it.
iv. i am the most fragile when i see married couples that i liked go travelling. no i dont really have the thought to marry, yet. not this fast.
ii. i tried not to talk about any future trip to any of my colleagues but i need them to know that i will not be available during my off days. so i talked. teringat abah cakap yang aku summed up kan kepada -- i really need to stand on my ground.
iii. i find that jumping from one job after another is really not an option for most people. it takes miracle. it really is above expectation. you may think it's easy, "just apply" "spam on the HR email" and what not. the world is fucked up. and none of us realize about it.
iv. i am the most fragile when i see married couples that i liked go travelling. no i dont really have the thought to marry, yet. not this fast.
di pulau. (ii)
so as promised, though it took me so long to post this lol. Redang Island itinerary:o
REDANG 16-21/3/2018
17/3/2018
5AM Arrival @ syahbandar, solat, bfast
9AM Jeti Merang, take boat to Redang (45mins)
10AM Arrival Redang, free activity
12.30PM lunch, zuhur
2PM snorkeling @ Pasir Akar
4.30PM tea break, riadah/snorkeling @ tapak wings
7.30PM dinner, maghrib, free activity
18/3/2018
7.30AM bfast, sunrise
8.30AM snorkeling @ Marine Park
11.30AM balik pulau, free activity
12.30PM lunch
2PM free activity. (optional snorkeling but we decided
to do scuba diving tmr so need rest :p)
to do scuba diving tmr so need rest :p)
4.30PM tea break, free activity/mandi laut
7.30PM dinner, maghrib
19/3/2018
7.30AM bfast
9AM discover scuba diving
1PM lunch, zohor, free activity
4.30PM tea break, free activity
7.30PM dinner, maghrib, lepak, mancing at jeti
20/3/2018
7AM Hiking n sunrise
9AM packing, bfast
10AM boat to merang
11.30AM POK to syahbandar
2PM check in citi point hotel, rest
10.30PM check out
11PM bus to kl
life update.
so it's been like a week half i came back from a holiday. it's not really a holiday more like an impromptu adventure. i said to myself and to them that if i dont have enough money i cant go there. but it was enough and i got there. i'm so proud with my capability to save just enough haha. maybe it was unplanned but it was written. god's plan. so that was first. secondly, i didnt even plan to go for scuba diving, or even now have the thought to take the course. and now i do have some thought. it was so worth it. i made some new friends, kind people. they even said, i am their friend so nothing can ever beat that. i think imma share the itinerary in the next post.
feelings, they were there. but, i managed. that's the third thing im proud of myself. some people they crossed each other along the way. but god's plan they were made to be friend. and i'm glad that we're through. and that i have someone to laugh about silly things. cause he's so stupid, in a good way. i learnt a lot from him and from myself. that life is life. that's how it's supposed to be.
i think im really a good listener. and that i love listening to people's story/confessions or anything. im also good at keeping it. wait, i actually HAVE to be good at keeping it haha. i heard a lot of confessions this week. like from 3 to 4 persons so it's huge. like what have i done? am i that important to you guys haha. why and where all this trusts came from lol arent you afraid? it's okay. your secrets safe with me ;-)
so about my career life, i dont really do a deep thinking about it. i just go with the flow. although sometimes i want a change. but all is well. i am actually trying to adapt myself with this comfortableness. it sure is not easy to be patient. i'm trying to not complain at all and keep praying. god has the way for me. so it's good. it's definitely going to be good.
anyway, here's a little throwback. i cant wait for another adventure!
feelings, they were there. but, i managed. that's the third thing im proud of myself. some people they crossed each other along the way. but god's plan they were made to be friend. and i'm glad that we're through. and that i have someone to laugh about silly things. cause he's so stupid, in a good way. i learnt a lot from him and from myself. that life is life. that's how it's supposed to be.
i think im really a good listener. and that i love listening to people's story/confessions or anything. im also good at keeping it. wait, i actually HAVE to be good at keeping it haha. i heard a lot of confessions this week. like from 3 to 4 persons so it's huge. like what have i done? am i that important to you guys haha. why and where all this trusts came from lol arent you afraid? it's okay. your secrets safe with me ;-)
so about my career life, i dont really do a deep thinking about it. i just go with the flow. although sometimes i want a change. but all is well. i am actually trying to adapt myself with this comfortableness. it sure is not easy to be patient. i'm trying to not complain at all and keep praying. god has the way for me. so it's good. it's definitely going to be good.
anyway, here's a little throwback. i cant wait for another adventure!
blessed Q1 2018.
Redang Island, Terengganu
17032018-20032018.
di pulau.
around me, things are moving in slow mo. but everyone is rushing to make ends meet. i'm pausing myself di luar kesedaran aku. remembering stuff that i shouldve not remember sooner. i havent really gotten a good sleep this week. it's a disaster for me. but i still ended up feeling fresh the next morning. foods also seem to not go well with me. what have i done to my precious self?
it is even more sucks when certain people understand the things you're going through. i think when i talk about it, it's only gonna make it worse, in a good way.
please just give me back my sleeps.
it is even more sucks when certain people understand the things you're going through. i think when i talk about it, it's only gonna make it worse, in a good way.
please just give me back my sleeps.
bandung, a memory (ii)
so i decided to post my bandung itinerary (reality) and some tips, i guess. here goes:
17/11/2017
tips/info:
i. indonesia is 1hr late (+8 GMT) so the sun goes out at 6AM. it's better to start your trip around that.
ii. travel on weekdays. people from Jakarta/anywhere near travel to bandung on weekends so its jammed af. a 10 mins drive on weekdays can take to 1hr drive on weekend really.
iii. if you think you can drive in kl, dont ever think of driving in indonesia. get a local driver or take angkutan kota.
iv. probably choose travel date you think bandung will not rain all day. like somewhere not towards november's end.
v. bistro (cafe) is everywhere but choose wisely. some maybe have good ambiance but taste awful and pricey. like CUPS. just dont go to CUPS.
vi. the foods (underlined) definitely worth the try.
vii. other mentioned places you can google.
that's all!
17/11/2017
9am arrived
10am CUPS
2pm check in cihampelas 2
4pm ayam geprek
5pm trans mall
7pm alun-alun bandung, asia afrika, braga street
9pm balik hotel
18/11/2017
9am dusun bambu
12pm kampung daun
4pm tangkuban perahu
5pm farmhouse lembang
8pm ciwalk - pusing bandung
12pm balik
19/11/2017
10am the lodge maribaya
2pm pasar baru
5pm kartika sari
7pm ciwalk, house of smith
10pm balik
20/11/2017
6am airport
tips/info:
i. indonesia is 1hr late (+8 GMT) so the sun goes out at 6AM. it's better to start your trip around that.
ii. travel on weekdays. people from Jakarta/anywhere near travel to bandung on weekends so its jammed af. a 10 mins drive on weekdays can take to 1hr drive on weekend really.
iii. if you think you can drive in kl, dont ever think of driving in indonesia. get a local driver or take angkutan kota.
iv. probably choose travel date you think bandung will not rain all day. like somewhere not towards november's end.
v. bistro (cafe) is everywhere but choose wisely. some maybe have good ambiance but taste awful and pricey. like CUPS. just dont go to CUPS.
vi. the foods (underlined) definitely worth the try.
vii. other mentioned places you can google.
that's all!
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