11 ramadhan.
aku bukan jenis yang selalunya akan open tentang sesuatu benda. especially at this age. whenever someone tells a story about them, it usually ends with me. i dont favor spreading ppl’s shits around. thus, im expecting ppl to do the same when its my turn telling them my shits which usually a big mistake.
anyhow, wherever we are in life, it’s important that we have ppl that we can share our achievements, aims and supports. to my friends, if you really are the one, i hope we dont just stop talking to each other just because we’re going in separate ways. friends make efforts. and i hope im not the one who stops making effort.
seusai kopi ais power setengah cawan, kerana kopi yang di-claim power tak lah sepower mana, dan mobile gaming sesh, dan ketawa-ketawa, dan perbualan panjang diselangi eye contact, sempat aku jengah ke arah bulan penuh dan pekat malam yang membawa angin dingin. i havent had coffee like a month or so. dan badan aku lebih chill menerima kopi daripada teh. maybe i should slow down on consuming tea for awhile. also, we’ve sort of covered 70% of seremban/senawang roads. so that one is a yay for us definitely.
although i do get lonely over time.
i dont think i should show it.
sometimes i even think of or calculating on how long will i survive.
being so independent is so fucking exhausting. cause you’re always adapting. it’s your mind working and your body doing. one more day / one more month / another year..
sometimes, when it hits you, you just push pause. “hold on world. whatever inside me or my brain, needs rest.” and i just wait for the thoughts to go. sometimes i pray, other times it just go away after 2 hours or so. you should know how your body works especially when it happens so often.
i’ll pray that we will do this every year together, buka - terawih - moreh. until we can finally sahur together. lol? we’ll find time. and we’ll be alright.
five lessons for the first quarter.
i. for some reason, life now is so different than 2 years back. for some reason, i am no longer afraid of the future. i cant stop talking about goals and aims i have for myself and the people around me. for whatever reason, family does come first. i can say, i am no longer care about the people in the socmeds have to offer. they are just talks. really.
ii. to actually give the view, my socmeds are kind of a toxic for me. anyone can simply say, i'm just weak. but being me, seeing and scrolling and swiping people's so called achievements and self-entitlements made me realize i have to stop from feeding myself toxins.
iii. people's happiness has nothing to do with inspiration, or any bullshit like sharing the happiness. i believe that your good energy is worthy only to people who really are important to you. not your followers that you called friends. make time for these important people. it's more like investing because when you spend your time with them, you're also getting the benefit from them.
iv. what i'm doing now compared to what ive told my friends about it, which is just on the surface, is far more harder than what they imagine. i guess, i am lucky. the downside of it, i'm holding the biggest responsibility i never thought i could, even now. maybe i put too much pressure and expectation for myself. and i'm back at it again, i'm slowing down and carry slightly more patience now.
v. there is nothing better than a constant prayer to your parents, your family and yourself. dont stop.
ii. to actually give the view, my socmeds are kind of a toxic for me. anyone can simply say, i'm just weak. but being me, seeing and scrolling and swiping people's so called achievements and self-entitlements made me realize i have to stop from feeding myself toxins.
iii. people's happiness has nothing to do with inspiration, or any bullshit like sharing the happiness. i believe that your good energy is worthy only to people who really are important to you. not your followers that you called friends. make time for these important people. it's more like investing because when you spend your time with them, you're also getting the benefit from them.
iv. what i'm doing now compared to what ive told my friends about it, which is just on the surface, is far more harder than what they imagine. i guess, i am lucky. the downside of it, i'm holding the biggest responsibility i never thought i could, even now. maybe i put too much pressure and expectation for myself. and i'm back at it again, i'm slowing down and carry slightly more patience now.
v. there is nothing better than a constant prayer to your parents, your family and yourself. dont stop.
hello it’s march again
i am half surprised that people still comee here and read my crappy life. people are probably having a crappy life that they have nothing to do and be here instead.
anyway, february had gone real slow but still, it had completely gone for this year. i remembered in 1Q84 where Tengo said to Fuka-Eri, time hasnt really going forward or in one direction but people tend to believe it is, as a concept. i really think it’s true.
being unemployed, i have filled my days with just reading and occasionally checking people on social media recording, or i would say boasting about their crappy life that crappy people would enjoy and judge during their free time.
i love being unemployed although sometimes it can be boring. you dont have money to spend. hence, you dont have to spend your time managing the money that you dont have. hence, you have more time for yourself. you have the most precious thing in the world that is time.
i dont watch tv. i hate tvs. cause of ads. and their crappy programs and shows. i can live without tv but i dont think i can live without internet. but still, nobody can live long enough in total isolation. one might turn crazy living alone and not seeing or talk to people probably after few months.
anyway, maybe i’ll write again in another time. when i feel like giving life to my thoughts.
anyway, february had gone real slow but still, it had completely gone for this year. i remembered in 1Q84 where Tengo said to Fuka-Eri, time hasnt really going forward or in one direction but people tend to believe it is, as a concept. i really think it’s true.
being unemployed, i have filled my days with just reading and occasionally checking people on social media recording, or i would say boasting about their crappy life that crappy people would enjoy and judge during their free time.
i love being unemployed although sometimes it can be boring. you dont have money to spend. hence, you dont have to spend your time managing the money that you dont have. hence, you have more time for yourself. you have the most precious thing in the world that is time.
i dont watch tv. i hate tvs. cause of ads. and their crappy programs and shows. i can live without tv but i dont think i can live without internet. but still, nobody can live long enough in total isolation. one might turn crazy living alone and not seeing or talk to people probably after few months.
anyway, maybe i’ll write again in another time. when i feel like giving life to my thoughts.
i lost my words halfway through.
after thinking about this over and over again for the past weeks, i decided today i’m going to publish a post. recap, my last post was on november 2018 which i dont remember what it was about and i am too lazy to reread. i write from tume to time but i just don’t have the will to publish anything.
life has been ups and downs. today marked 19 days of being unemployed. i sent a resign letter to the office on december 2018 before christmas. it was so sudden but the moment that you decide you are taking the turning point seriously, everything just falls right under your toes.
it’s a new year, again. happy new year everyone. please be happy.
life has been ups and downs. today marked 19 days of being unemployed. i sent a resign letter to the office on december 2018 before christmas. it was so sudden but the moment that you decide you are taking the turning point seriously, everything just falls right under your toes.
it’s a new year, again. happy new year everyone. please be happy.
iunno.
i have this airplane blanket that i keep for 3 years now. its just sweetly small. it covers me up from my shoulders down to my ankle so i usually roll myself up in it. it doesnt really warm you up but enough to keep you from the night chills. i'd bring this everywhere i go. well, occasionally. i think ive grown attached to it.
anyway, i just cried. in a freakin afternoon. its because suddenly i felt like i will never get what i really want from people. maybe its because i havent eat proper meal today that everything feels like shit. and also i'm skipping my evening run. i'm too old for this depression shit. but i still feel it anyway. it's not that life sucks but i don't know maybe what i have on the insides just sucks no matter how hard i try to refuse this whatever shits im feeling. it's weird.
anyway, i just cried. in a freakin afternoon. its because suddenly i felt like i will never get what i really want from people. maybe its because i havent eat proper meal today that everything feels like shit. and also i'm skipping my evening run. i'm too old for this depression shit. but i still feel it anyway. it's not that life sucks but i don't know maybe what i have on the insides just sucks no matter how hard i try to refuse this whatever shits im feeling. it's weird.
tangan yang menangkap angin. - abah
and to begin with, i have so many things to talk about. i left this blog untouched for two months. i also skipped some part of what really happened in my life. like i went to japan in may but i only wrote about penang trip and i went to kapas island in august and how i can do 50m swimming without stopping for air. these are the things i should write but you know, i spent too much time on twitter and netflix. writing nowadays feels like a shout into the void, quoting the fault in our stars. it feels like a waste of time. i'm really feeling it now. it's not about audience because i've been blogging (microblog) since 2009. i started blogspot in 2010. and up until now, people just stumble upon and move on. so it's like almost everything in this era. we live, we forget and we die. does living have value? it sure has but only last in a very short time. dunia yang cuma persinggahan.
weird day.
back at this blog because i dont wanna draw attention from the people i know in real life. well screw that. anyway have you ever suddenly snapped at a name and broke tears? like heavy tears. it happened today and i dont know why. the word 'abah' flashed and i couldnt stop crying. i got so anxious like something very bad is going to happen so i recited yassin to get myself calm and hoping, really, everyone will be just fine and that they're in god's care. i texted family members but i didnt talk about this. i'm still a little bit anxious but Abah is fine and everyone is now. i hope it's not something bad and that i'm just overthinking it. Abah is in brunei now please pray for him too.
a lifetime partner.
so a friend of mine asked if a person doesnt believe in marriage does s/he not worthy of happiness because of, believe me this thing happens, that the key to happiness is in marriage. i'm not sure where she got that but, "marriage is definitely a huge stepping stone," which i couldnt quite catch that at first when it was an answer to that.
stepping stone to a happy life?
what if you're already happy?
to threw such statement i think it's not strong enough. i need a concrete stand.
but i understand now. a man is a backbone for his woman. i mean, they complete each other. a marriage is solely to create a stronger faith. think about it. it's not about sex only or expanding your offspring.
this needs deeper learning but to really think why one needs to marry is the start.
and i think if you really hold onto your basic understanding, no decision is a bad decision.
i'm not hoping you'll get this but someday god will finally show you what you really want to know.
07052018
i. i just got back from penang sudden trip. i booked the ticket two weeks before took off. it was sudden. nowadays, everything seems like that. just like last year when we went to melaka for food trip. unplanned always works out fine.
ii. i tried not to talk about any future trip to any of my colleagues but i need them to know that i will not be available during my off days. so i talked. teringat abah cakap yang aku summed up kan kepada -- i really need to stand on my ground.
iii. i find that jumping from one job after another is really not an option for most people. it takes miracle. it really is above expectation. you may think it's easy, "just apply" "spam on the HR email" and what not. the world is fucked up. and none of us realize about it.
iv. i am the most fragile when i see married couples that i liked go travelling. no i dont really have the thought to marry, yet. not this fast.
ii. i tried not to talk about any future trip to any of my colleagues but i need them to know that i will not be available during my off days. so i talked. teringat abah cakap yang aku summed up kan kepada -- i really need to stand on my ground.
iii. i find that jumping from one job after another is really not an option for most people. it takes miracle. it really is above expectation. you may think it's easy, "just apply" "spam on the HR email" and what not. the world is fucked up. and none of us realize about it.
iv. i am the most fragile when i see married couples that i liked go travelling. no i dont really have the thought to marry, yet. not this fast.
di pulau. (ii)
so as promised, though it took me so long to post this lol. Redang Island itinerary:o
REDANG 16-21/3/2018
17/3/2018
5AM Arrival @ syahbandar, solat, bfast
9AM Jeti Merang, take boat to Redang (45mins)
10AM Arrival Redang, free activity
12.30PM lunch, zuhur
2PM snorkeling @ Pasir Akar
4.30PM tea break, riadah/snorkeling @ tapak wings
7.30PM dinner, maghrib, free activity
18/3/2018
7.30AM bfast, sunrise
8.30AM snorkeling @ Marine Park
11.30AM balik pulau, free activity
12.30PM lunch
2PM free activity. (optional snorkeling but we decided
to do scuba diving tmr so need rest :p)
to do scuba diving tmr so need rest :p)
4.30PM tea break, free activity/mandi laut
7.30PM dinner, maghrib
19/3/2018
7.30AM bfast
9AM discover scuba diving
1PM lunch, zohor, free activity
4.30PM tea break, free activity
7.30PM dinner, maghrib, lepak, mancing at jeti
20/3/2018
7AM Hiking n sunrise
9AM packing, bfast
10AM boat to merang
11.30AM POK to syahbandar
2PM check in citi point hotel, rest
10.30PM check out
11PM bus to kl
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